Inner Adventures | Embrace an Inner Adventure Today!

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about relationships and commitment. I have been to two different weddings in as many weeks and I have found the experience deeply moving.

There is something very special about a promise made between two people who are very much in love. There is so much hope and trust in saying to someone “I promise to be in your life forever”. Two people stand in front of family and friends pledging to love each other through good times and bad and we believe them.

Its not only when couples are getting married that these kind of soul packs are made. In any of our lives there are people we have pledged to support forever. ‘

I grew up in a very small 3 bedroom house, the eldest of seven children. Holding grudges or anger at anyone for very long wasn’t feasible or possible. If my siblings or I fought we were quickly reminded that we shared a bedroom and that we should hug and make up. The amount of times we were told that we were blessed to have so many brothers and sisters that loved us unconditionally seemed to outweigh the negatives.  We were encouraged to see each other honestly, to be aware of the temprement and barriers that we each held.  These bonds were tested time and time again. Tears were shed, words often said in haste and anger were forgiven and forgotten. We were there to protect each other, to love each other and to grow together. The words “I hate you” were often exchanged in our teenage years and angers were very quick to retaliate, but if one of us was hurt, really hurt, we would rally around and protect them with our life if need be… (even if we had sworn at them only hours before).

So what builds relationships like the ones between sisters and brothers, parents and children and husband and wife?  What is it that holds them so strong through the years?  Is it the love that they have for one another? Well love is definitely a motivation.  No one could argue that people have done some pretty amazing feats for love, but is that all you need to make a relationship work?  What about the special moments and memories that only you and another share.  These memories give us common ground but don’t build a lasting relationship. What these relationships really teach us is that in order to have people we love remain in our life for any real length of time we will need to learn the act of forgiveness.

If you remember that you can hurt and be hurt you must also remember to forgive and be forgiven.

In order to love someone, you have to know them. You have to accept them as they come, the good points and the bad points. Loving someone and sharing your life with them means that you will see them at their best and at their worst, and maybe one day, their worst will be directed at you.  It is at these times, these low points,  that we not only need to learn to forgive others, but more than anything, we may need to learn how to forgive ourselves.

No one likes getting hurt, it’s not easy to have those who we love let us down.  Sometimes we think it’s our fault, that we should done things differently or been someone other than who we are.  At these times the person we really need to forgive is ourselves.

I  believe that the hardest thing I have had to learn on my inner journey so far is how to love myself. It’s easy to love the parts everyone likes, the personality traits that draw friends to us.  It’s a lot harder to face yourself and the parts of your personality you don’t like. I don’t mean things you wish to change about yourself, like your weight or your job, I mean the intricate parts of our personality that make you you and that you try with all your might to cover up and hide and keep from view.  Can you say in all honesty that you love those parts as well?

In order to love ourselves we have to learn how to forgive ourselves for not being perfect. We all have faults. That wonderful guy or girl you met last weekend who seems perfect, their not. They have faults and things they would prefer you never to see.  Everyone has their shadows. Things we cover or push down into the dark and pretend we haven’t seen or refuse to acknowledge.

There will be very few people in this lifetime who see the whole of us, although we will walk beside many.  Some will hold our hand only to disappear as the first storm clouds gather.  A precious few will carry us when we fall and point the way when we get lost.  They are the ones who once aware of our faults, are most likely to forgive us for them. Maybe they will even help us love those parts of ourselves.

The act of forgiveness offers so much. It offers us freedom to allow ourselves and others to be true to the person we are. Forgiveness gives love a fighting chance, and it ensures that we have understood the lesson we just shared with whomever it is we are forgiving.

If you remember that you can hurt and be hurt you must also remember to forgive and be forgiven.

Laura Bowen